


Take Care

by MrsHoot_Hoot26



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (kind of then), Bad Communication, Fluff, Kenma realises he's in love, M/M, Mentions of Bokuto - Freeform, Mentions of akaashi - Freeform, Slow Burn, bit of a sickfic, just Kuroo being cute, relationship, slight angst but not that much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29610891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsHoot_Hoot26/pseuds/MrsHoot_Hoot26
Summary: ''It hadn’t taken him long to figure out what it all had meant and why he had reacted like this. He was in love with Kuroo Tetsuro and now that he had finally realised it, he had come to the conclusion that he had been for a while.''Kenma realises in love with Kuroo, but he's really bad at communication.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 69





	Take Care

Unlike probably everyone he had ever met, Kenma had always hated breaktime. It made him feel awkward and a bit of an outsider since he was aware of the fact that normal people used their free time to socialise and make the school gossip spread even further.

Kenma however, was nothing like that. He never knew what to do with his hands, he didn’t like talking to his classmates and he simply refused to look strangers in the eye. Videogames weren’t allowed in the halls and especially during winter, either the cold or the rain would prevent him from escaping the walls of Nekoma High. He was forced to stay inside and with Kuroo now on a mandatory educational trip for all the third years, he would be utterly alone.

The thought of having to spend at least an hour each day by himself with everyone looking at him like he was some sort of freak that didn’t understand the rules of society, had haunted him so badly, that at least the first two days, his mother had called him in sick since the vomit wouldn’t stop coming out of his mouth. Kenma knew it was stupid and pathetic, so when Kuroo had called him to ask how things were going without him, he had pretended like nothing was wrong in the first place. He didn’t want to appear weak in front of the one that had always pushed him beyond what he thought were his limits.

Kuroo was the only one who didn’t treat him like some weak animal. Of course, that could have its downsides, but when Kenma himself thought he couldn’t take another step or when his thoughts got the better of him, it was Kuroo who somehow managed to make his walls seem way thinner. Even Kenma’s parents had, at some point, just accepted the fact that their son got down with a fever quite easily.

Long story short, Kuroo made him feel normal.

Though the third day, Kenma knew he couldn’t avoid the confrontation any longer. His sickness had disappeared and because his mother had threatened to come home from her business trip if he still wasn’t feeling okay, he knew he had to suck it up. Well, it wasn’t really a threat and Kenma knew she was just worried, but if she came back to find him being all fine, he would definitely have broken the trust between them. After his father had left a couple of years ago, for Kenma that was the most important thing between them, and thus he didn’t want to do anything to screw that up.

That’s why, when the bell rang on Wednesday afternoon, he shyly made his way through the crowd to probably the quietest place in the school; the boys' bathroom on the second floor. There he locked the door, sat down on the toilet, and curled up his legs. It was only 30 minutes, he could do this.

However, he almost fell down, when his already anxious body jumped up by someone banging on the door not two minutes later. 

‘KENMA I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE. COME OUT KITTY CAT.’

Of course it had to be Tora, Kenma thought, while he regained his balance on the small surface the toilet seat provided him with. Of all people…

‘I’m busy,’ Kenma answered, hoping it was enough to let Tora mind his own business and leave him alone. Why had he followed him anyway?

‘With hiding yes, nobody pees with his feet up like that. Come on, we’re having lunch with Fuka.’

‘Since when? We never eat together.’

‘Exactly, so it’s about time.’

But Kenma wasn’t stupid. Even though his relationship with Tora had immensely improved since they both started playing volleyball together, he knew that Tora would never think of spending time with him outside of training or team activities. They didn’t hate each other and one could even say that they respected the other in their own way, yet they were just too different to find some common ground. As long as they both worked towards their common volleyball goal, this had always been enough for the both of them.

So maybe it had been Fukunaga who wanted the second years to spend more time with each other. This was definitely more likely than Tora suddenly pursuing some team bonding, but still, Kenma knew that there was one other, way more obvious explanation.

‘Kuroo set you up to this, didn’t he?’ he asked when he opened the door and looked Tora in the eyes. Since Tora was rather tall and Kenma a more average Japanese height, he had to look up a bit, although it wasn’t as much as when he would be talking to Kuroo.

Tora’s cheeks burned up a little and he quickly looked away. He’d never been a good liar.

‘Of course not. And even if he did, there is nothing wrong with working on our friendship. Now chop chop, I’m hungry.’

Without giving Kenma a chance to protest, Tora forced him out of the boys' bathroom and towards the canteen, where Fukunaga was already waiting for them. With a spoon balancing on his nose, he waved them over and pointed at the spoon.

‘It’s been there for three whole minutes now.’

‘Wow.’

‘You’re pretty weird,’ Tora said, taking place beside him and getting his bento from his bag.

‘You’re just jealous you’re not able to last that long,’ Kenma frowned and Fukunaga smiled. Weirdly, this had no effect on the spoon that just kept hanging at the top of his nose like a very persistent water drop.

Then he took it from his nose and showed the other two the inside of the spoon.

‘Got ya,’ he grinned, while Kenma and Tora both noticed the little piece of tape that apparently had fooled them both.

With a small chuckle, Kenma looked at Tora, who clearly was not as amused as him. The boy grabbed his food as if it was the only thing keeping him from making a snarky comment. Kenma actually wanted to react to this, but he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he noticed a message from Kuroo that confirmed what he had thought to be true.

[Kuroo]: HAVE FUN KITTYYYYYYY

With a sigh, Kenma typed his response.

[Kenma]: Stop interfering with my life.

[Kenma]: I can look out for myself.

Since Kuroo was still online, it didn’t take long for him to answer.

[Kuroo]: STOP GIVING ME ATTENTION AND EAT YOUR LUNCH

[Kuroo]: IT’S RUDE TO BE ON YOUR PHONE DURING EATING

…

[Kenma]: Piss off.

* * *

For the remaining two days of the week, there was at least one teammate waiting to pick him up from his classroom and accompany him to the canteen. There, they would sit down with the rest of the team present and they would spend their break time talking about all kinds of stuff.

It still wasn’t really Kenma’s cup of tea to hang out like this and more than once he was quite irritated by all the noise from the other people in the room, but he appreciated the effort. The first years had joined in as well and it was actually pretty fun to watch Lev and Inuoka being a comedic duo. Teshiro and Shibayama, like usually, were quieter, so Kenma didn’t really feel like he was standing out much with his own behaviour. He probably felt the most at ease when he was around his teammates.

Though, with the third years only coming back on Sunday, it did feel empty without them. The quibbling between Kuroo and Yaku was something so consistent, that the whole dynamic within the group felt a bit off without them. Kuroo’s laugh would overrule any other voice within a two-meter radius and without his dominant height next to him, Kenma felt like they were suddenly way smaller than before. If he resembled the brain of the team, the third years definitely resembled the legs, since they were the ones adding height and power, and carrying the rest of them everywhere. Moving without them, wasn’t impossible, but it was immensely hard.

Kenma didn’t want to think about the fact that next year, this would have to become their new normal.

‘KKKKKKIIIIITTTTTTTTEEEEEEENNNNNNNN,’ Kuroo yelled when Sunday had finally arrived and Kenma had left his empty house to check on his friend and next-door neighbour. His room was a mess. There was laundry everywhere -probably just retrieved from the big sports bag that was in the middle of the room- and Kenma even got attacked by a pile of books that fell over the moment he walked inside.

However, this was nothing new. Kuroo had always been quite chaotic when it came down to his stuff. Books about chemistry, physics, and even a bit of astronomy, were always scattered through the house. The only straight walls of his attic bedroom were covered by two large whiteboards filled with equations, quotes, and pictures of him and his friends. Most of them, were of him with Kenma, from their childhood, when they had found it very annoying when one of their parents revealed their camera again, but also a lot of them who were taken quite recently. There were also a few with his other close friend Bokuto and one in which he, Bokuto, Akaashi, and Kenma had been together at the Summer Training Camp at Shinzen High. That camp had been one of the few intensive and chaotic things Kenma had actually enjoyed.

That’s why he was pretty proud of that picture. It made him feel like maybe there was hope for him in his shyness and most importantly, it was the week in which he and Kuroo had really clicked. From that week on, Kuroo seemed to understand him even more than he had done before. They were able to communicate without talking and he made sure that, even outside the court, Kenma was as comfortable as possible.

When Kenma thought back to the moment that Kuroo had insisted on them switching sleeping bags so he could be the one occasionally being hit by a sleeping Tora during the night, he noticed this warm feeling in his stomach that could make every cold disappear.

Upon his arrival, Kuroo immediately shoved his sports bag to the side and he scooted over, thereby inviting Kenma to come sit with him on the bed.

Silently, Kenma closed the door and after he had made his way through the mess, he climbed next to him, so he could use Kuroo’s stomach as a pillow. It surprised him how much he had missed this. It had been just a week, but only now could he completely relax in the warmth of Kuroo’s body. He hadn’t realised he had been so tense during those six days.

Finally, his shoulders loosened up and he let out a big sigh.

‘How was it?’ he asked while feeling Kuroo’s steady breathing beneath him. This too, made him feel whole again and connected to the peace of this bedroom that was like a second home for him.

‘It was awesome,’ Kuroo said in his deep voice, that sent a chill down Kenma’s spine. It had been so different when they had talked over the phone. To hear his voice so close to his ear, was like being wrapped in a warm blanket after a long and cold day.

‘We visited lots of museums, two aquariums and there was also this incredible planetarium that just takes your breath away. You will like it next year. The hotel was nice too. It was huge and we had the whole floor to ourselves. We slept in rooms of two and Kai really is the best roommate you could wish for. Yaku is too…annoying. He’s an early bird, so he would wake up at least an hour before the rest of us, and then, believe it or not, he starts to sing. Honestly, I don’t even believe how we could have been fine with the decision to sleep together the first night, but that obviously didn’t work out.’

Calmed by Kuroo’s rambling, Kenma let his breathing match Kuroo’s.

They were whole again. The emptiness had been filled by a warmth that only Kuroo could give him and he was not ashamed to admit this. It had always been like that, even though he had never actually said it out loud. With his father gone and his mother often at work, Kuroo was his safe haven, the one he could come to with his problems and the one that didn’t need an explanation for the choices that he made. He was the one who understood without asking, who did exactly the right thing without talking, and who consistently provided him with a way to escape without going anywhere.

Since they were so close, Kuroo knew this, and ever since Kenma had asked him if he didn’t want to hang out with much cooler kids, he was no longer concerned about it. Kuroo had been in his first year of high school. He had looked at Kenma with a big frown on his face and had told Kenma that he was exactly where he wanted to be because, in his eyes, there was no one cooler than them together.

Kenma had not shared this vision. However, he did believe that Kuroo would never lie to him and that’s why he was convinced enough to not doubt it anymore. He trusted Kuroo more than anyone, so even if he would change his mind, he believed Kuroo would be open about this and not leave him hanging out of the blue.

He only hoped that that day would never come.

‘How was your week?’ Kuroo asked after a few minutes. He slowly started stroking Kenma’s hair and this made Kenma smile faintly.

‘It was fine,’ Kenma said, relieved that Kuroo was not able to see his red cheeks right now. He really liked it when Kuroo’s big hands were as tender as they were right now; hands that were strong enough to block a spike by one of the top five aces of Japan shielding his head from the outside world.

‘Really?’

‘Yes, of course. I can look after myself, you know.’

‘Kitten, we haven’t laid like this in years. I believe one of the last times was after Tatsuo’s party. Do you remember Tatsuo?’

‘Yes, he was an arse.’

Kuroo snorted lightly, which made Kenma’s head bump up a little.

‘Now you’re being kind. Daishou is an arse, Tatsuo was a monster.’

Changing his position a bit so his head wouldn’t be poking in Kuroo’s ribs, Kenma let out a soft sigh.

‘Thank you for asking the team to join me, but you didn’t have to do that. It was pretty embarrassing actually.’

‘So you’d rather spend your time alone in, I don’t know, the janitor closet than with teammates who care about you, even if you have to go through a little embarrassment?’

‘It was nice with them,’ Kenma said while staring at the ceiling. ‘But I’m not a child. I know how to take care of myself.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Kuroo said after a few silent seconds. ‘You’re right. I guess I just felt guilty for leaving you when you’re mum is away as well. I didn’t want you to feel like you have nobody left.’

An unfamiliar, and at the same time way too familiar, feeling of tensity burst open in Kenma’s stomach. It was like a balloon had been filled with too much air, making it burst and letting the air flutter through him. He felt his cheeks burn up and suddenly there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room anymore.

He couldn’t explain why he felt like this so simultaneously. Not two minutes ago it had been like all his worries had been washed away by a wave of Kuroo’s presence, but now… He had to keep himself from getting up and running as far away as possible.

Kuroo being worried about him had been nothing new. Even him saying it out loud was not something he hadn’t heard or seen before. Kuroo had always looked out for him, especially after the Summer Training Camp, so why should this be any different?

~~Maybe because it sounded like Kuroo had no intention of leaving him ever again.~~

Kenma hated feeling like this. It was too…vulnerable, too caring. As long as he didn’t care, nothing bad could happen. Indifference was his wall against the outside world, but in just a couple of seconds, Kuroo had made that wall burst from the inside out.

‘Do you want to stay over for dinner? My parents will love seeing you again.’

‘Kuroo,’ Kenma got up on his elbows and he looked at his friend, who tore his eyes from the ceiling as well. ‘Stop worrying about me.’

Frowning, Kuroo opened his mouth to say something about this sudden rejection, and a new wave of tension spread through Kenma’s stomach. Even though the last moment he had eaten something was already a while ago, he felt nauseous and part of him got scared that he would throw up right here, right now on Kuroo’s freshly washed sheets.

In that moment, he knew that if he stayed over for dinner, things would not end well.

So before Kuroo could actually speak, Kenma got up entirely, leaving Kuroo lying alone on the bed.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?’ he said while putting his sweating hands in the deepest part of his pockets and he turned around. He had to leave because otherwise, Kuroo would never let him go. It was now or never.

‘Kitten,’ Kuroo tried, but Kenma ignored him and stoved out of the house. There was a loud bang when the front door slammed shut and Kenma didn’t stop running until he was sure Kuroo could not see him from his bedroom window.

Once he was in his own backyard, he was forced to stop and throw up over some of his mother's favourite flowers. His throat burned, tears had formed in his eyes and saliva was dripping from his mouth. It was disgusting.

* * *

[Kuroo]: KITTEN

[Kuroo]: ARE YOU OKAY????

[Kuroo]: WHAT HAPPENED????

…

[Kuroo]: Did I say something wrong??

[Kuroo]: Kitten, I’m sorry, but I don’t understand…

…

[Kuroo]: Kenma please pick up :(

With seven ignored messages and three missed calls, Kenma turned off his phone. He was laying on his bed and for a good half hour, he hadn’t been able to stop his tears from flowing. Needless to say, he felt like shit.

It hadn’t taken him long to figure out what it all had meant and why he had reacted like this. He was in love with Kuroo Tetsuro and now that he had finally realised it, he had come to the conclusion that he had been for a while. It probably wasn’t normal for a person to be so attached to someone like he was to Kuroo. Kuroo was his best friend and nobody had ever made him feel so safe and loved.

Still, this was his first time being in love with a boy. He had known for a few years now that his eye wasn’t attracted to girls, yet this had mostly been the reason he had thought that he wasn’t capable of love like that in the first place. To actually be interested in boys, and even his best friend on top of that had come as quite a shock to him.

It didn’t feel wrong. On the contrary, this was probably the first time in his life that something had felt so right, but Kenma knew that his crush could barely be called something good. Despite romance not being a topic that they had often discussed, Kenma was positive that the chance of Kuroo liking him back was even less than the chance of Yaku surpassing Lev in his height. He had never considered Kuroo as someone to get in a relationship, regardless of if he liked boys or girls. They were best friends and they had been for the most part of both their lives. Even though Kuroo had been the shy one at first, right now he would be the one to show his interest if he actually wanted something more.

Sure, they did a lot together and Kuroo often pulled the string when they did, but it had always been like that. Even when Kuroo was still hiding behind his mother, he quickly became confident enough to force him to eat his lunch if Kenma was too focused on his game. Just because Kuroo did that still, didn’t mean that he meant anything with it. He was a caring person and he would do that for everyone who was as close to him as Kenma was.

Him taking care of his grandmother one day in the week was more than enough proof of this.

Sadly, he was forced to hide it all, once his phone rang again and his mother's picture appeared on his screen. Kenma quickly blew his nose in a tissue and he picked after taking a final big breath. He probably couldn’t have been called at a worse time.

‘Hello?’

‘Kenma, love, how are you doing? I’m surprised you picked up this quick. No videogames at the moment?’ His mother sounded excited, which was entirely the opposite of how Kenma felt. How was it even possible that two people could feel so different at the same time?

‘No, not now. I’m doing some homework,’ he answered since he’d rather not raise any suspicion. Although, he did feel a bit bad for lying.

‘Really?’ his mother said. ‘Good for you, and that on a Sunday night. I’m proud of you. Though, shouldn’t you be with Kuroo-kun then? He was coming home today, right?’

‘Yes, I’ve already seen him.’

‘Ah, okay. I can understand if he just wants to rest after his trip. Do make sure you stay over for dinner if he asks, okay? I hate it if you’re alone every night. How was his trip? Did he have fun?’

‘Yes, he liked it,’ Kenma answered, hoping that their conversation would come to an end soon. Luckily, he’d never been a big talker, so for his mother, this conversation was nothing out of the ordinary. He probably could give her some flowers if she came back home and then she would not question anything.

‘Good, that’s good. And how is everything else going? Do you know how to use the washing machine and all?’

The standard question his mother always asked when she was away. Kenma knew that when she started talking about the chores, she was almost through all of her topics and it wouldn’t take long anymore. Of course she knew he was capable of washing his own clothes because he had done that on her previous leaves. It was probably more likely that she wanted to give him a chance to ask her about a problem he was maybe encountering, and normally he would love her for it, but right now he couldn’t wait to push the red button.

‘Yes, I do. Thank you for asking.’

‘Great. Well, love, then I’ll see you next week okay? I’ll call you before that to give you the exact time.’

‘Okay. Have fun.’

‘Thank you, love,’ his mother said. ‘Take care of yourself and say hi to Kuroo-kun from me.’

‘I will.’

And after they had both said their goodbyes, Kenma was finally able to hang up. Without the intention of picking it up at any point during the evening, he threw his phone in a chair and he let himself fall down on the couch again.

He was exhausted.

* * *

The next day, he barely had the courage to look Kuroo in the eye.

He had made such a fool of himself by leaving like that. First, he had said that he didn’t need anyone, and next thing he was throwing up in his own garden. Kuroo would undoubtedly ask what was going on and Kenma didn’t know if he had the skill to lie. When it came down to Kuroo, he had always been a worse liar than Tora -probably also a sign that this had been going on for a while.

That’s why he had gone off to school an hour before he and Kuroo would normally leave. He didn’t want to take the chance of running into him and having to explain why he had disappeared like he had been caught on fire all of the sudden. It had been way too early to even enter the building, so he had brought his switch to pass the time, although he was way too wary to concentrate on fighting one of the bosses. He ended up losing all of his lives and coins, thus in the end, he just curled up and waited for the janitor to open the doors.

This inability to focus continued mocking him during his lessons, because he knew that Kuroo would be waiting for him the moment he would leave the classroom. Of course he knew it was impossible to avoid the inevitable, but every explanation he thought of sounded more stupid with the second. Kuroo was smart, so he would figure it out for sure.

Kenma was terrified of that moment. He was not ready to lose his best friend yet. He wanted to spend more time together, study, play games, watch movies and have fun, just like before. Why did he need to have this stupid crush? It would ruin everything. Over the years, Kuroo had slowly become a part of him, so if their friendship ended, he would not be whole anymore and he didn’t know if there was a way to fix a hole that big.

It was stupid and cliché, he knew that, but that was probably also the reason why people used the metaphor so often. It was just highly accurate and it felt like the only way to exactly describe that aching feeling that he felt when he imagined Kuroo leaving. He definitely didn’t want it to end like this.

Luckily for him, it wasn’t just Kuroo who was waiting for him the moment the bell rang. Apparently, someone had decided that spending more time together outside the court was not even such a bad idea, because after his teacher told him to stop lingering, he saw Yaku and Kai as well. Kuroo didn’t even have a chance of asking him anything. Immediately, Yaku started lecturing him on how he looked awful and how he should not play games after midnight, and it took him the whole way to the canteen to say what was on his mind.

They sat down with their other team members and even though Kenma was annoyed by Yaku’s remarks on his health, he made sure that he stayed as far away from Kuroo as possible. He didn’t look at him once, but he could feel the prying eyes every single second. It was enough to make his prepacked lunch lose its appeal, so Kenma ended up just playing with some of the rice crackers while trying not to notice that he was being watched.

At some point during their break, his head started hurting from thinking too much. In all those hours that he had been awake, he hadn’t been able to silence his thoughts once, and with the noise from the people around him and Lev’s yelling on top of that, it became a bit too much for him. Still, he kept silent and when Kuroo asked him if he wanted to come with him to his locker, he acted like he hadn’t heard the question in the first place. It was cruel, he knew that, but he also wasn’t ready for the confrontation yet. He just had to survive two more hours of school and two hours of practice, before he could finally lay down and shut everything out.

And with that thought, he tried to create some motivation for him to get through the day.

However, the success of his ignoring tactics came to an abrupt end when, in the afternoon, their coach asked him and Kuroo to get the poles for the net. Since Kenma was absolutely not brave enough to refuse this offer, he anxiously walked over to the stockroom with Kuroo’s composed footsteps behind him.

Once they were inside, Kuroo closed the door behind them and he turned on the light. Kenma, who stood with his back towards him, didn’t dare to turn around, so he softly bit his lip.

‘Kitten, what’s wrong? Please, don’t tell me there’s nothing, because I heard you throwing up yesterday. Are you okay?’

He sounded careful and worried, not at all what Kenma had expected. Despite the fact that he literally had never seen Kuroo being angry with him, he had been convinced that this had been the time he had gone too far. He had never ignored him before, not even when it had been his fault that they had lost Kuroo’s last match at their previous school. If he had to think about one thing that would cross his line, this would have been it. Kuroo certainly hadn’t been this calm when Bokuto had been in one of his emo modes and had ignored him for three days straight. Kenma had never thought that he was any different than Bokuto.

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘Why not? You do not actually think that I see you as some child who can’t take care of himself right? I asked you if you wanted to stay for dinner because I like spending time with you.’

‘No, it’s not that,’ Kenma said, already feeling like his ears were redder than his uniform. He crossed his arms and looked awkwardly at his volleyball shoes.

Then, he heard footsteps coming closer and before he knew it, Kuroo’s big arms had hugged him from behind. He was trapped and he could feel his breath get caught in his throat. It was no fair, why was he so big?

In the past, Kuroo had only done this when he wanted to make sure Kenma wouldn’t be able to run away anymore. Though, that had been games. This was real, serious, and Kenma couldn’t help but feel like Kuroo was really desperate to keep him here until he had finally explained what was going on.

‘You know I’m here for you right? Just because I left for a week, doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me anymore. I want to help you.’

Kuroo’s heartbeat was driving him crazy. Being so close to his chest, smelling the detergent that would be replaced by sweat at the end of practice, was like a drug and Kenma didn’t know if he could take it any longer. The urge to turn around and bury himself in that big chest was so immense, it was bigger than anything he had ever felt. He didn’t even know he was capable of having feelings as heavy as these.

‘Please, let me go,’ Kenma said with a crack in his voice. It felt like he had swallowed a handful of sandpaper and it hurt being this close without being able to do anything. He couldn’t screw it up now. He had to be strong.

‘Kuroo.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Kuroo whispered, after which he finally released his arms.

The chains that had bound and pulled him closer to insanity loosened, so that Kenma could slowly breathe again. Still, a part of him felt disappointed because of the distance that had been put between them again. He wanted to go back and melt in Kuroo’s arms forever.

‘I’ll give you your space if you want to. Just know that I don’t understand what is going on and that it’s not my choice to do this. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.’

Without looking at Kenma, who just stood there quite perplexed, Kuroo walked over to the construction at which the poles were being kept and he took the one that was just a bit too high for Kenma to reach. Then, he opened the door with his foot and he walked back into the gym.

Not really processing what had happened, Kenma numbly took one of the other poles and he followed Kuroo outside. It was heavy and he felt his mind working against him, but he kept walking with his eyes fixated on his destination. He was dizzy, undoubtedly from the blow that had been delivered to him not a minute ago.

He was sure he had disappointed Kuroo. Normally, Kuroo could be really persistent and that was what he had prepared himself for. To win this easily, was something he hadn’t seen coming. It had left him with only confusion and also hurt, since he doubted what he actually meant to him. Was he not worth it to be persistent? He knew that it had been exactly his intention to stop Kuroo from asking questions, but never in a thousand years had he meant for their friendship to break like this.

If all, that had been the thing that he had been trying to prevent.

But he couldn’t just admit his crush to him, right? It would only make it worse? Maybe they could grow past this, but if he told him about his problem, it would be way more complicated.

With his mind racing and the pole getting more heavy with every step, Kenma noticed his vision blurring. Little stars appeared in front of his eyes and in a split second, he realised that things were completely wrong.

‘Kuroo,’ he managed to get out in a whisper before he could feel the pole slipping through his fingers. A loud bang filled the gym, heads turned, and quicker than the snap of one's fingers, Kenma was gone.

* * *

‘Kitten?’

‘Kenma?’

His sleeping bag was cold, but he knew he’d rather stay here than getting up and having to endure all those tiring practice matches again. It wasn’t like they lost many, but every sprint upon that refreshing hill was one too many. The name was sadistic as well. Nobody would call that sprint refreshing, even Kuroo had difficulty with it at the end of the day.

Had…

Summer Training Camp had passed.

He didn’t feel much energy to start the day, yet he was curious why he was still at Shinzen High. And why was he lying on the ground? His sleeping bag had never been this hard before.

With eyelids that were as heavy as lead, Kenma reluctantly opened his eyes, only to find that he wasn’t even in a bedroom. There were people standing around him in their volleyball shoes. He would recognise Lev’s big boats out of thousands.

‘Kenma, are you alright?’ their coach appeared in his vision, and feeling like someone was hammering on his skull from the inside out, Kenma looked up to him.

‘Yes, why wouldn’t I be?’

‘Kitten.’ This time it was Kuroo who spoke. Immediately, Kenma felt his worry disappear, because Kuroo was here. He would make everything alright.

‘Do you want to sit up?’

Slowly, Kenma nodded, after which he could feel Kuroo’s big hands lifting him up a bit. Meanwhile, someone said that everyone should give them some space and the feet took a few steps back.

Once Kenma was up and he could lean his heavy body against a wall, he could finally get a more clear view of what was going on. Kuroo and their coach were kneeling beside him, the rest of their team were watching him from a small distance. They were not at Shinzen. He was pretty sure that this was their own gym and the moment he realised this, it all slowly started coming back to him. His fight with Kuroo, his problem, and his moment of panic right before his memories ended. Immediately, he was aware of the redness in his face.

‘Kenma,’ his coach started, ‘do you know where you are? What day it is?’

‘Monday, 20th of October. Nekoma gymnasium.’

‘Do you know what happened?’

‘I was…dizzy,’ Kenma shyly answered. This couldn’t be over quick enough and he really wanted Kuroo to stop staring at him. He must think that he was absolutely pathetic for fainting like this.

‘He never ate his lunch,’ Kuroo said while removing a pluck of hair from Kenma’s eyes. All the while, Kenma ignored his eyes. How embarrassing…

‘When is the last time you ate anything, Kenma?’

‘I-I don’t know. Yesterday?’

‘Here.’ Tora came running from the locker room with a pack of juice in his hands. He threw it to Kuroo, who caught it and prepared the straw. Then, he handed it to Kenma, who needed a few tries to get the coordination right.

‘Is practice canceled?’ he asked.

It wasn’t like he actually cared, but since he really wanted to shift the topic from him to something else, it was the first thing that popped into his mind. The worried faces of his other teammates, especially the one from Yaku, were enough to make him feel incredibly guilty for holding their precious training time like this.

The juice actually felt really good. The empty feeling that had teased him the last couple of days, finally filled up a bit, even though he had never felt hungry. He hadn’t been hungry for a while now, but at that moment he realised that that didn’t mean his body didn’t need the food. Food equaled energy, so that was probably why he had felt so tired all the time.

‘For you it is,’ Kuroo said before their coach had the chance to answer his question. He continued after exchanging a short nod between him, their coach, and Yaku. ‘And for me too. I’m gonna take you home.’

‘No, that’s not-’ Kenma tried, but Kuroo put his hand under his chin and thereby, at long last, forcing him to look at him.

‘I know you can take care of yourself, Kitten. But that doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to accept any help that is given to you.’ He stood up and looked at Tora and Yaku, who were standing closest to him. ‘I’m going to change. Please make sure he doesn’t go anywhere.’

The two nodded and while Kuroo ran off to the dressing room, Yaku came sitting next to Kenma on the ground. He put a hand on his forehead and despite Kenma normally refusing any physical contact, he was too tired to say anything of it now. Besides, in the past 1,5 years, he had learned that there was no contradicting Yaku-san. Kuroo was probably the only one with enough persistence to deny his fellow third year the satisfaction of being the mum of the group.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Tired,’ Kenma said while taking another sip of the juice.

‘You indeed look like shit,’ Lev said, which caused the creation of an extra bruise on his ankles.

Yaku had a warning look in his eyes.

‘Be nice.’

‘What?’ Lev frowned. ‘It’s not like he can win a beauty contest right now.’

‘And it’s not like you can win a beauty contest ever, so shut up.’

‘Aw, Yaku-senpai, I still have a recording of you telling me I’m the most handsome man you ever met, so I think we both know that’s not true.’

Lev was just in time to jump out the reach of Yaku’s legs, which was good since Yaku could easily have injured him with the kick that followed. After that, he strategically walked over to Inuoka, who was excessively talking to Shibayama. However, he didn’t leave without giving them both a quick wave, which made Yaku shake his head with a sigh.

‘I know it’s hard to believe, but he really means well.’

‘I think you’re the only one who he actually likes to have discussions with,’ Kenma said and Yaku turned his head.

‘Who Lev? Yes, he too, but I was actually talking about Kuroo.’

‘Oh.’

‘He told me about what happened between you yesterday and I don’t think it’s fair of you to leave him hanging like that. You’re his world, Kenma, and you’re probably the only one who doesn’t see that.’

‘What do you mean?’ Kenma asked, feeling like someone had just dropped a bucket of ice water on him. Did Yaku-san know…? Was it that obvious?

‘It’s true that he would volunteer to bring anyone home after something like this happened, but not as eager as he did now. Volleyball is part of his life and he just abandoned it like it was nothing. He did that for you. I know you two go way back and that, because of that, you’re closer than anyone here. It really pained him when he realised you kept something from him. Now I have my guesses, but I hope that whatever it is, you don’t think he will just leave you because of it. From my point of view, you could blow up your house and he’ll still help you clean up.’

‘Isn’t that a bit extreme?’

Yaku shrugged.

‘Point is, I don’t think there is anything you can say that will make him turn his back on you.’

Even if Kenma had known how to react to this, he wasn’t able to, because at that moment, Kuroo came running out of the dressing room. Two bags, one of which was Kenma’s, bounced up and down his shoulders, which couldn’t have been very comfortable, but somehow it seemed like he only had eyes for Kenma. It was almost like a prince coming to his rescue.

Kenma quickly pushed the thought away. Who had ever thought he could be so pathetic…

‘You can’t take him out in the cold like this,’ Yaku said firmly and he pointed at the bags. ‘Do you have anything he can wear?’

‘Yes, of course.’ Kuroo took his own hoodie out of his bag and after a meaningful look from Yaku, Kenma took it. Without thinking that it was even humanly possible, he had reached a new level of embarrassment, though he kept telling himself that Kuroo just hadn’t much felt like going through the stuff of someone else when his own hoodie had been there for him to grab.

‘Okay, let’s get you home.’

‘Will you two be alright?’ their coach asked, after which both Kuroo and Kenma nodded. ‘Well, okay then. Do keep us informed of how it is going.’

‘Yes, we’ll do,’ Kuroo said, after which he walked over to Kenma and helped him get up. They said goodbye to their teammates and when Tora had given them two extra packs of juice, they exited the gym.

Countless times he had walked beside Kuroo, but this time was probably the most awkward. Kenma had never been the talker between them and now that Kuroo himself wasn’t saying anything either -except for a few times in which he asked if Kenma could still go on-, the silence was killing him.

Especially when he had felt another wave of dizziness washing over him and Kuroo had just picked him up like he weighed nothing more than a book, Kenma couldn’t take it anymore. With Kuroo’s steps almost matching the throbbing of his head, he softly whispered:

‘I’m sorry, Kuroo.’

‘Shh, it’s okay, Kitten,’ Kuroo said after a few silent seconds. ‘Try to rest okay? We’ll talk later.’

‘I thought you wanted me to talk?’

‘I did and I do, but I don’t want you to say anything you’ll later regret.’

‘Am I not bothering you?’ Kenma asked while he took in the smell of Kuroo’s neck like it was the last time he could.

He kind of expected Kuroo to let out his usual snort, but this time, he didn’t.

‘You could never, Kitten. Please don’t worry about me. Worry about yourself for now and I promise we’ll be okay.’

* * *

Instead of taking him home, however, Kuroo unlocked the door to his own house and he brought them inside. Kenma only realised this, when he opened his eyes just enough for him to see that the hallway was way too messy, but he was too tired to complain. He had to fight every urge to fall asleep, something he finally failed to do when Kuroo had brought him upstairs and tucked him into his bed.

Under a thick and warm blanket that completely smelled like safety, he let himself be taken by his fatigue and he drifted through a dreamless sleep. It was only when he noticed someone softly talking to him, that he was pulled back to reality once again. Slowly the rest of his senses came back as well and he could feel a big and warm hand covering his own.

He opened his eyes to find Kuroo sitting close to him on a chair.

‘Are you awake, Kitten?’ Kuroo smiled gently.

That soft smile made all of Kenma’s fears melt away in an instant.

‘I am,’ he whispered back and without thinking, he grabbed Kuroo’s hand and let their fingers intertwine. ‘Thank you for taking care of me.’

‘You scared me there for a second.’

Kuroo’s voice sounded so soft, almost like a whisper, and he didn’t look angry at all. Still, the urge to cover his head with the sheets hadn’t disappeared completely.

‘I’m sorry,’ Kenma said, at long last with the courage to actually look his friend in the eye. He had to know how guilty he felt for making a scene like that.

‘Don’t be, I’m just glad that you’re alright. I got you some leftovers from yesterday and I think you will like it. I don’t want to force you to do anything you do not want to, but I do think you should eat something.’

Kenma nodded in agreement, after which Kuroo helped him sit up and placed a tray on his lap. There was a damping bowl of fried rice, a glass of water, and some chopsticks, so Kenma couldn’t really have wished for more. Even though the pit in his stomach was still there, he started eating little by little under the relieved eye of Kuroo, and after a few silent minutes, he came to the conclusion that he had never felt this hungry. It was a strange thing. For days the thought of eating hadn’t even popped up in his mind and every time he saw people enjoying their food, he only felt sick. He’d thought it was something caused by his sickness from a week ago, thus he had never been really worried.

Turned out, his body needed to make up for it now.

‘Kitten,’ Kuroo started after Kenma was halfway on his rice. Kenma knew that this was the moment he had dreaded for almost a whole day now, but there was also a strange form of acceptance that prevented him from freaking out completely. Maybe Yaku was right. Maybe their friendship was strong enough to overcome this. Kuroo had gone through great lengths to get him here and Kenma wouldn’t have wanted to see it any other way. In the end, Kuroo was still the one who made him feel safe.

‘I lied, you didn’t just scare me. I was terrified. You clearly had a problem and I couldn’t do anything to help you. I thought by giving you space, I would prevent you from pushing me away, but in the end-’

‘Kuroo,’ Kenma interrupted him. ‘You couldn’t have done anything to prevent this. You can’t blame yourself.’

Kuroo looked at his fiddling fingers. His cheeks had slightly turned red.

‘I know, but…when we were standing in the stockroom and you deliberately told me you didn’t want to talk about what happened, I realised that I want to be the one to take care of you. I don’t want to say that you’re not capable of doing that yourself, but I’ve always thought that you would feel free to share anything with me. I want to be that person for you. You’re my best friend and it would literally kill me if something happened to you.’

‘Like today?’

‘Like today,’ Kuroo agreed. ‘I- uhm, it’s probably weird to say this, but a lot of the time, it feels like we’re more than just best friends.’

Kenma could feel his cheeks burning up as well. Of all the words that had just been said, he hadn’t even processed half of it and he actually had no idea what was happening right now or what Kuroo was even implying. Kuroo’s tone was neither excited nor disappointed, which made things even more confusing.

‘Do you hate that?’ Kenma asked since he knew he had to say _something_.

Kuroo looked up and gave him a small grin.

‘Definitely not.’

While trying to gather every ounce of courage he could find, Kenma took a deep breath and focused on the words he wanted to say next. He almost broke the chopsticks between his fingers with the nerves that were racing through his body.

‘I was scared to screw everything up,’ he eventually admitted. He couldn’t look Kuroo in the eye, but he knew he had to give a bit more explanation. ‘I-I think I feel the same, yet I was scared that you wouldn’t and I didn’t know how to tell you that. You’re my best friend too. You always know what’s going on and that’s why I avoided you. I was scared you would find out. Although in the end, I know I’ve acted really childish. I’m sorry.’

At this, Kuroo snorted and he shook his head with rolling eyes. Questionably, Kenma looked at him.

‘What’s so funny?’

‘Me,’ Kuroo said. ‘You, us. I’ve always imagined myself confessing to someone in a very romantic way. I know we’re both stubborn, but never would I have thought it would have taken this much for us to actually be honest with each other.’

‘You already knew?’ Kenma could feel his head getting more colourful than Kuroo’s hoodie which he was still wearing. The thought of Kuroo knowing his secret the whole time was maybe even more embarrassing than everything that had happened that day. It all would have been for nothing if he could have just confessed yesterday.

Kuroo shrugged.

‘Maybe subconsciously, yes. Though I think I was too afraid of the opportunity that it could be something else as well to acknowledge it. But,’ he reached out his hand again, ‘I’m glad it all worked out. So, if you’re okay with that, I really want to be more than just best friends from now on.’

For a second, Kenma gazed at the hand, after which he put the tray with now an almost empty bowl on Kuroo’s nightstand and he softly stroked his fingers over Kuroo’s knuckles.

‘How about from now on, we take care of each other? I promise I won’t keep anything from you anymore and I’ll look out for you, the same way you look out for me.’

Content and, if Kenma’s eyes didn’t deceive him, also a bit relieved, Kuroo stood up and even though his bed was too small for two people, he laid down next to him and put his arm around Kenma’s middle. Kenma could feel him burying his face in his neck, just like he had done the other way around when Kuroo had carried him home. The warmth of his body made up for the slight shiver that had teased him since they had started talking for real and Kenma could feel his worried melting away.

They were like two pieces of a puzzle that perfectly fitted together. Now that he knew that Kuroo felt the same, Kenma could stop searching, because he knew that he was exactly in the right place. There was no other feeling like this.

At Kuroo’s side was definitely where he was supposed to be.

‘When you said you’ll take care of me, does that mean you’ll wipe my butt for me too?’ Kuroo said, muffled by Kenma’s shoulder.

‘You never did that for me, did you?’

‘Do you want me to?’

‘Shut up.’


End file.
